I Want To See God

Robbie is unavailable all weekend, so it is absurd that I had it in my head that my lovely children would actually sleep in this Saturday. Henry called to me from his crib at 6 am sharp, and he needed to potty. He'd peed out of his diaper onto his PJs and all over his bedding, so I had to give him a shower and change sheets. That woke Vivian. Evelyn got up with more diarrhea, and she turned on the light, which woke Olivia. She was up late at Kenna's birthday party, so she was tired this morning. And, there you have it. We were all awake.

As I made warm milk and prepared some breakfast, I heard Olivia tell Henry that Robbie was learning about Jesus today at our church. She said in the sweetest voice and with total seriousness, "Mommy almost named you Jesus." I burst out laughing and called her on it. She said, "You did!" I don't know what she remembers. Henry has been Henry since before we had Olivia.

Henry noticed the crucifix in our room which was given to us by Aunt Corrine and Uncle Lee during our year in OKC. Henry now says, "I want to see God." I'll walk him over to the wall where the cross hangs, and Henry will say, "His eyes are closed. I can't see him. Is he sleeping?" Wow, that is a big question. I said, "Yes." I told him that Jesus died for us so that we can go to Heaven someday. You guessed it. He said, "What's Heaven?" I honestly started to tell him that in Heaven he could have Olivia's soccer jersey and cleats every day. That's his heart's desire these days (and the terrible source of BIG old temper tantrums), and isn't that what we hope Heaven will offer, among other things? I told him it was a very good place where Henry could be with Jesus, and I left it at that.

We enjoyed gorgeously cool and sunny fall weather for Olivia's soccer game at 11 am. I packed lunches, and we dined field-side on our beach blanket. It was lovely. We sat with our friends the Conways, and Henry played with the twins while Amy and I had a really nice conversation of substance. That's rare with two-year-olds nearby, so I felt blessed at the chance to make a connection with another adult.

We were naturally out of milk, so I had to take all four children grocery shopping. The store was having a huge meat sale, which I found quite amusing. Does that mean the meat is really big or all of it is on sale? Hmmm? A quick stop for milk and bananas turned into food for the week and donuts and Shatto chocolate milk for tomorrow's breakfast. The kids scored. However, I had too many bags of groceries to tote and unload, tired and hungry kids, and only two seats in the car cart. Olivia got really upset. The baby was in the Ergo Carrier, happy enough. Once we got into the car and passed by Cure', Olivia began crying loudly and wailing for her father. "I want my father. I love my father more than anyone else loves him, and I want him back NOW." She went on and on, and cried for 10 minutes. I finally told her the crying would have to end, or she's receive a consequence for not pulling herself together and giving the rest of us some peace. Henry said, "Yaya is very upset. Oh, sis. You okay?" He's a sweet one.

Now that October is here the girls are all about decorating for Halloween. We got out the big orange tub...after MUCH asking. I was hesitant. Our little house has so much stuff in it already that holiday decorations kind of cause me some physical distress. I was picking up toys and tidying things as the children got into the tub and started pulling out pumpkins that glow and window clings. I heard a crash, looked down, and Henry had dropped a one of a kind, hand-painted plate that Gwen made for us. It was one of my very favorite things from her, and my heart just fell. I was furious with myself for not overseeing the removal of decorations. I was on the phone with Mrs. Scarboro trying to figure out babysitting next week for Olivia's baptismal renewal for the start of this special 2nd grade sacrament year. Vivian was fussying. I was trying to multi-task too much, and a price was paid. I know it was only a thing that broke, but is was a very special and treasured material object. I'm so sad. I swooped Henry into his crib for time-out so that I could have my own personal mommy time-out. When I went back to my crying and sad son I asked him if he knew why he was in trouble. "I broke Ninnie's plate." I told him I love him. I will always love him. I forgive him. Then I explained why he should not have been messing around with Mommy's Halloween things. He apologized.

Evelyn has had terrible tummy trouble since Thursday night, and I just keep waiting for her to feel better. They all took a good long nap today. I let the girls stay up late with me tonight, and we looked through an old photo album from when Robbie and I were falling in love at TU in college. He had longer hair, and Olivia said, "Daddy looks much better now." We saw pictures of little William Hightower when he was Henry's age, and I told them the story that went with a photo of the two of us in a baby pool. He pointed to my chest and said, "What's that?" I said, "That's my bikini." He said very slowly, "Mommy doesn't have a boo-kini." I'll never forget that exchange. The girls fell over into giggles.

Well, it is time for me to enjoy some Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet reading time. I have to hand it to single parents and those with a spouse in the military who are left to raise their children alone. I am so thankful for the help that my fabulous husband offers to our family. He does so much, and I appreciate it tremendously. I feel the strain when he isn't around to do his thing, and I love him even more. Robbie O. is a keeper.

Oh, Vivian is cutting bottom teeth. She also isn't wild about peas. They make her cry. I think poopy diapers and peas are her sad points today. Her high point, of course, is booby milk. It makes her happy and healthy and chubby and smart. Life is good.